flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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