currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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