just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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