No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
