I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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