We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
