Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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