I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize