no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
