the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
