I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have aggressive nipples.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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