mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I cockslap morals
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
