I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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