i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
