Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
