Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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