New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
