He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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