i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
