found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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