apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
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I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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