the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
