I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
