And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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