so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dicks are not precious.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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