Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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