I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
