If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
