we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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