I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
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Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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