the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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