I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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