So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
