Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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