i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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