Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize