I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I supernannyed him into submission
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
