if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
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sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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