After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
