I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He kissed a someone with a penis
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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