I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
