Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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