Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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