tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
