Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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