friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
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the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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