hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.