The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.