Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida