Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.