The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?