that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
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I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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