i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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