Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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